what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm at about main and main street
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
