My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
