We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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