In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
