I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
