Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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