MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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