i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
