hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
