Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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