Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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