im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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