If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
