The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Come share oat with me in your robe
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
