drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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