WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
