dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
