i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
