All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
That was before I lit my hair on fire
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
