i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
