I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
