just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
