some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
