I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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