Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she told me i tasted like america
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
