That's intense
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The best revenge is premature balding
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
