So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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