so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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