Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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