I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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