that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
