you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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