Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
handjob tips. give me some.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
