I will die if light touches me.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
