I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
