Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
