When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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