I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
