let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
