coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
