I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
