I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
