apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize