How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
