8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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