Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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