did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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