I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i've created a new STD.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
