best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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