So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
