Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
