A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
