We won't sleep together?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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