He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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