My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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