Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
birth control should be required to get into college
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
