I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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