i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
