If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
