and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
