i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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